The following
is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry
mid term:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's
Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed)
or some variant thereof. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing
in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving
into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can
safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these
religions state that if you are not a member of their religion,
you will go to Hell.
Since there are more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project
that all people and all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's law states that in order for the temperature
and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has
to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities.
1 - If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure
in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2 - Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than
the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure
will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan
during my Freshman year that it will be a cold night in
Hell before I sleep with you," and, taking into account
the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations
with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus am sure that Hell
is exothermic.
The student got the only A.
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